Alli...

I am fond of cheating when it comes to dieting, in fact it really gives me a buzz to be able to stick my tongue out at all those dull as dishwater scientists who insist 'eating sensibly and regular exercise will ensure consistent and safe weight loss' blah blah yada yada. I don't want to lose weight over a year I want to lose weight now!!!!

However after spending many many years getting to know myself I am aware of my failings when it comes to my constant efforts at losing weight and that is I don't do 'extreme'. Yes I want to lose weight quickly and I am quite certain about that fact but I don't like the ways in which you need to do this. I didn't do the maple syrup diet because I don't like maple syrup, Cabbage soup made me retch, 5 days on the first stage of Atkins and I started craving vodka and porridge so much I had contemplated blending the 2 together for a drunken power breakfast, 2 days on the smoothie diet and my blender broke...basically every effort I have made to lose a few pounds has sunk without trace, squashed by my disgustingly unnatural lack of willpower.

So....

I have decided to try Alli, as the blurb says 'the only FDA approved over-the-counter weight loss product' which can increase your weight loss by 50%... 50%!!!! Does Alli work? It almost seems too good to be true I know but I am satisfied that the far from glamorous side effects (i.e frequent trips to loo, if you're not near one God help you) dims it's perfection somewhat and therefore makes me less suspicious. Apparently (from a completely unscientific perspective) the pill blocks about 25% of fat in your food from absorbing into your system and instead removes it from your body 'naturally' hence the horror stories of midnight trips for Pampers and the suggestion that you keep a spare change of clothes with you 'just in case'

So far this is my third day and so far so good. No embarrassing disasters on buses but I think that's because I am far too afraid to so much as look at never mind taste anything over the recommended fat grams. That's not how the pill is suppose to work but God darn there's nothing like the threat of pooing your pants to stop you reaching for a Greggs Sausage roll!! So here I am banana in hand, contemplating the number of fat grams in a portion of Chickpea Curry and whether my waist band does indeed feel slightly looser or whether I am in fact unconsciously holding my stomach in and living in my own skinny wee fantasy world. Who knows I but think this is one diet remedy I can stick to... as long as my reputation stays in tact.

LP xx