When fig leaves just seem so much simpler.

I have been and felt far from glamorous lately, this morning was the last straw when I got into work running rather late wearing disgustingly creased trousers and my hair like wurzel gummidge before frizz ease was invented and I owe it to the fact I spend far too much time either chatting to people on MSN, drinking in pubs or watching Nigella Lawson make delectable and just simply orgasssmic darling 3000 calorie cookies. This means clothing is flung on in the 15 minutes I allow myself to get ready in the mornings and all attempts at sophistication fail quicker than a Jodie Marsh makeover.

Now I'm not a morning person, but in the evening all I want to do is cuddle up or go out so I am going to have to give something up if I want to finish my 20's with at least some decorum.

So!

Tomorrow morning the alarm clock is set for half 6, where I will find my clothes beautifully ironed and laid out on the bed for me, my hair will be properly set from the evening before, my nails will be polished and I will even have enough time to apply my foundation properly preventing tidelines and handprints on my nice clean walls. This seems like wishful thinking but am thinking that an early start will encourage me to go to bed earlier which in turn should stop my naughty habits from coming into play. Oh this all sounds so good in theory but why does it never happen in practise!???

Hm perhaps if I do a kind of Bridget Jones type thing and update my times, gym attendance and calories absorbed that day onto the wickedly wild web (aka MY BLOG) it should kick my butt into gear? Okay will give it a bash and I do solemnly swear I will not lie one jot. Apart from when I do go out because after the third glass of wine I'm lucky if I can count my fingers never mind the amount of calories I have consumed but I shall try do my very best and then in turn will contribute to making at least one person's life happier, gleeful in the knowledge their life is far more organised and healthier than mine.

While I'm on the topic of health I am rather perturbed to be hearing that this Mexican Swine flu has made it over to Scotland, anyone else get the feeling the end is nigh? or is just all this sensationalist tabloid nonsense that is getting everyone into an unnecessary tizzy. I am aware of how dangerous this infection is if caught but I just cant stop having visions of Russel Brand saying 'You Swine!!!' my bad?

God you know what I would really love right now? A mentor, you know like a Mister Miyagi type, someone who won't say very much but when they do it's spookily accurate and makes you just think 'Ah I get what you mean'. Someone like Marco Pierre White who can give me positive pieces of advice like 'A tree without roots is just wood' or Ade Edmondson who replied 'A cricket bat with roots..is a tree' you know those kind of people. A psycholoogist I hear you cry? Okay lets skip this subject think my post tea and toast mind has totally lost the plot here.

Sayonara, and remember Danielsun!! Wax on...wax off.. (nice tip for you ladies next time you whip out the old bikini wax ouch )
xxxxxxxxx zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..

SUN!

The freakin sun's out!!!...LOVE IT!

Small chap thinks I've transported him to Spain overnight so cute but thought I'd latch on to the Catalonian spirit and go smack some sun lotion on us both, worship some sun, indulge in water sports (ok go look for frogspawn in Queen's Park pond) grab a siesta, consume some quesadillas and enjoy some Rodrigues y Gabriella while I'm at it.

Then after wee one is whipped off by Grannykins after tea going with Derren Brown to see Declan Hegarty in Waverley Tearooms, Shawlands. Declan is a lovely wee Irish singer but unfortunately doesn't have many examples of his music online, I will be duly telling him to get that sorted.

Shopping in Primark.

You are either an Impulse buyer or a Procrastinator in life and looking over the past couple of years I have been of the Impulse buying variety which isn't very wrong but it seems my purchases have been more Bargain Books than Harrods.

The amount of times I have reached for the best china but due to sheer negligence have ended up with the plastic cups and saucers and do you know what ladies and gentlemen I realise now that I deserve much better, in fact we ALL deserve much better than that so the Car Boot sales stop here.

I realise now I've been looking for depth in shallow ponds and it's funny when things become clearer for you. The little things that may have hurt you now seem laughable, the Romeos become Quasimodos and the cheeky chappies turn into Jimmy Krankies. The small flashing lights alerting you to a possible disaster now turn into Foghorns on a clear misty night, the little white lies, the drunken calls, the thoughtless remarks from various sources all gather into one shady character who could be any one of them but now looks like an insignificant, forgotten gargoyle propped on a wrecked old building endlessly peering out on a life that will never change for them.

The decision's made, am going to take my time and seek out the diamond in the rough and suggest everyone else out there does too because while your eyes are trying to find some beauty in the gargoyle the starling could be flying overhead.

And for those of you who do not have a clue what I'm talking about? Good guys do get Jell-o!

;)

LP xx