21st Century Pinup Girl?

Shortly I will be celebrating the anniversary of being expelled from my mother's uterus so myself and a good friend of mine have decided to hit my late twenties freshly detoxed and too damn gorgeous for pre-watershed viewing. This has involved trying one diet for 2 days, ditching it out of sheer boredom and googling for the next one that has encouraging photographs of celebs and models emaciated enough to show it's worthwhile giving a bash.

Of course I've treaded the fad dieting path a fair few times before but this will be the first time I have decided to ...wait for it... CUT OUT ALCOHOL! . Being a lady with very few vices I've always thought I have been owed the opportunity to go out and get recklessly drunk as often as I deem fit, I've avoided drug addiction, smoking, stalker-like tendencies, foot fetishes, and anorexia so why the hell shouldn't I??? But then I had kind of an epiphany a couple of weeks ago, and after I looked up the meaning of epiphany on dictionary.com (just to confirm this was as I thought 'a Eureka moment' not the name of some kind of orchestral instrument) I realised alcohol was the only consistent thing in my life that pretty much contributed to it's ruin. To list but a few of the things that have occurred in my life as a direct or indirect result of alcohol:

1. Sex with strangers

2, Sex with friends who I would never have considered sex with

3.Bad sex

4. Great sex (that felt great at time but not so much the next day when you have 6 hickies, rope burns on your wrists and a rash and irritation from the use of scented candle wax that have to be explained to best friend, colleagues and old lady on bus)

5.Sent text meant for boyfriend to boss....

6.Spent a night standing in a hospital corridor screaming "Ignore me! I know this large gouge in my leg which is bleeding profusely and is making me rather nauseous looks quite bad but I'm drunk I don't deserve your charity, look I'll mop my blood off the floor with my skirt that seems to have fallen to my ankles...' (still cringe at that one)

7. Told people I hated them

8. Told people I loved them

9. Fell behind the white screen at a Halloween party..repeatedly...my dishevelled form magnified onto the wall for all to see

10. And worst of all, the mountain of kebabs and chips and putrid, stinking, disgusting food I shoved down my throat that night and the following morning to quell the predictable effects of the absolute barrels of booze I consumed the night before.

Now I have to admit most of these events were of yesteryear (apart from the Halloween one) but to look back at my weekend with pride and dignity gives me a warm feeling inside. The only thing is..what will I have to talk about in the office Monday morning hm.......?

Go check out this site http://www.someecards.com/. Have replaced drunked Saturday night exploits with hunting down great sites on the old interweb and this one had me peeing my nice spotty pink pantie, great little e cards that tell it like it is :)

Speak soon

LPx

Fed up?

Sorry I haven't written in so long but Pandora's been a busy girl. So busy in fact, her mind has become somewhat muddled and she has started talking about herself in the third person.

Anyway I shall be blogging tad more often from now on as this blog takes on a more personal angle...am really liking Belle de Jour's blog (tv series is also good but what is UP with Billie Piper's speech? Has anyone else noticed she has suddenly taken on a lisp? 'What I really like to do ish think about thingsh which ish shomewhat hard when one is mounting a client...or whatever) and am wishing I did the whole anonymous thing so I could divulge a little bit more about what is going on in my life but who knows..maybe I do have another anonymous blog that is far more gritty (picture the evil villain twinkle as I say this) on this here blogger..hm maybe not.

Something I'm coming across more and more at the moment is how fed up everyone is. Is anyone else feeling this? People not going out anymore because they can't be bothered, people working in places they hate being in, people barking on about dreams they have for the future but when questioned on how they plan to get there, catatonic tumbleweed style silence ensues. I'm not grumbling because I probably fit in the top percentile of this weary bunch but I'm at least recognising that this is NOT how things should be done. At the risk of sounding like a scary reject from the 'Mr Motivators Cycling shorts Fan Club', I just wish we could all get our arses into gear and get out of this - for want of a better term - FUG. Am I willing to be the leader of this new cult? No. But what I am going to do is lead by example and do the following;

Gym 3 times per week

Swimming one day per week

No food after 8....................bags of chips and curry sauce.

No more wine after first bottle (per hour)

No more bottles after first crate (per day)

Stop dating men I don't like.

Stop having sex on first date (DISCLAIMER: The writer of previous sentence wishes to make it known that by stating said sentence the writer does not wish it to be assumed that she does this on every first date but out of 10 years of solid dating the ratio of 'sex on first date' compared to 'no sex on first date' has increased to a moderate 2 digit number which to others may seem modest but to writer; perturbs.)
Stop thinking nasty thoughts about Bingo-Winged Texans with the personality traits (and same vicious odour) as a large old cow that hasn't been milked in a while and has been left in its field too long

Stop writing personal information about myself on public blogs.

Amongst other things...this list is the start of the me-moi-mono-singular-je-I revolution.

Stand tall, throw your pulling pants away and walk with me on the path of 21st Century Female enlightenment...just don't forget to shave your legs because you just never know do you?

Until next time. x