Men...metaphorically speaking

I've spent last 3 hours with my head in the books, nae Cosmo, nae TV Guide, no not even the Johnny Depp Scrapbook number under my bed....I'm talking serious Business School stuff and I know I'm really meant to keep within the realms of Publics and Private sectors, and Non-Profit Co-operatives and all that la dee dah nonsense but I couldnt help butnotice how successfully Morgan's Metaphors (on how to describe aspects of business)...can be applied to men.

Let me see............

Machine - require lubrication from a substance made out of hops and barley on a regular basis, says it helps them relax and stops them becoming stiff, on some occasions however prone to dysfunction and floppiness.

Organism - Your bed becomes a Kim and Aggie special.

Brain - If not located in trouser department check big toe.

Culture - Some think this is a visit to their local which is over a 100 years old (and smells like it too), some think it's the now extinct cousin of that large winged creature that circles decimated carcasses in the Sahara desert.

Political System - If not Rangers then Celtic, if not Celtic then eeny meeny miny mo or the team with the nicest colour of scarf.

Psychic Prison - Once you have kids with him you KNOW you're the one stuck in alone on a Friday night, you just KNOW it.

Flux and transformations - once flux happens watch him transform into a pile of blubbering and snoring ridulous-ness while you sleep in the wet patch.

Vehicle of dominance - yes that is what he calls that monster sitting in your driveway, what he doesn't realise is that even if he did add a rear neon chassis, bumper kit and sporty aqua blue steering wheel its still a 10 year old Vauxhall Astra that breaks down at roundabouts with no air con.

Hm....just a thought.

Lx

Burlesque Costumes for Club Noir

So to Club Noir we go....

I don't know about you ladies but I'm not really a pumpkin, robot or ghost-made-out of-old-bedsheets kind of girl. When I think of Halloween I think of luscious ladies and dashing men cut in garb of centuries old, slashes of red here and there, pointy blood dappled nails, devils horns....just the right amount of naughtiness that - let's face it - has prevented us from hanging up the trick or treat bags a long time ago.

Okay I'm a goth at heart but that hasn't done Dita any harm!

Anyhoo, I've had a good think and raked through hundreds of sites to get some ideas about how to approach this whole club noir business and here are the ideas I have come up with, please feel free to adapt, ignore and brazenly nab if you wish:

Usual Suspects (you will most definitely not be the only one on the night sporting this choice of outfit but it can't go wrong and you...will...look... devastating so who cares!)

Can-Can girl
- Tutus Skirt with netting underneath or bustle at the back, corset, fishnet stockings, ankle-length boot shoes, velvet choker, ringlets tied up in a messy french plait at the back, lots and lots and lots of makeup.

20's Flapper
- Flapper dress (or thin strapped slinky dress whatever's easer to find), stockings and suspenders, dolly shoes, pearl necklace, head band with a large feather attached, pale make up, fluched cheeks and cupid bow lips.

Strip-Tease
- This involves wearing the least amount of clothes you feel comfortable with, if you prefer not to bear flesh but still like this idea a mid length trench coat, suspenders and stockings, some gloves and red lippy should see you through.


Marie Antoinette (French Mistress extraordinaire)
- Beehive and ringlets, small bows or cute clasps through hair, pale silk dress with bustle(and netting underneath for added bounce), shoes to match dress, fan, pale powdered skin, pale pink cheeks and a little beauty spot above the lip to finish it off.

Hammer House of Horror Virgin (maybe there are some things that you can't bring back but Halloween is all about pretend anyway ;)
- Get that floor length nightie out thats been hanging at the back of your grannies wardrobe and make sure you are flashing lots of heaving bosom (wonderbra may be required at this point), make a few rips and tears here and there, add a little blood spatter, sexily distressed hair, 60's style eyeliner and pale lips with flushed cheeks. Vampire teeth also if you can wear them that is.

Head of the Orphanage
- This is most defintely a vintage shop job, if you can imagine Nicole Kidman in 'The Hours' with the dark victorian dress and hair piled up on top of the head. This is the more subdued of the outfits so would therefore be more dramatic on someone who is a little more outrageous in their everyday wear.

The Starlets

Dita (the Dream Queen of Halloween)
- Waist-cinching corset, wriggle/pencil skirt, sky-high stilletos, hair set in rollers, pale skin, red lippy, half moon nails and the flashiest jewellery you can find.

Bettie Page (Burlesque's Pinup Girl)
- black basque, suspender belt(see van doren belt from previous blog), stockings, high heels, long gloves, fringe. If you prefer a little more clothing a cute cherry print halter neck dress will do just as well, add a burlesque bow (try 'Little Lily Designs)to finish the outfit off.

Marilyn
- The White Dress. Enough said.

And for the men...

Jack the Ripper - top hat, dark dirty clothing, grizzly face, dark eyes, perhaps some intestine falling out the pocket? You can adapt this character to your own beliefs too, was he a surgeon? or an artist maybe? Lots of fun to be had.

20's shoes shine/paper boy - by far the cutest. Short trouser, long wooly socks, waistcoat with grandfather shirt and tie underneath, all topped off with a flat cap. You can add to this by bringing your own shoe shine brush or a copy of Ye Times of )lde. Prrr is it wrong I find this sexy?

Circus Ringmaster - Don't think you need reminded what a circus ringmaster looks like but just be careful with that whip Ow!

And....em Frank n Furter? - think this is most definitley the one best left to the extroverts out there but I've yet to see a good Frank 'n' Furter so would be pleased to see someone make a good effort at this one on the evening.

Really hope this helps and you all have a great time, and if you need any help sourcing your Burlesque Costume of choice then feel free to email me at girlwiththeredlipstick@googlemail.com