Newsflash!

Am about to get some tasters of Kiss me Deadly's new season stuff, working my boys hard on getting the website up and running to showcase all these priddy things as they should be but as always you can contact me through my blog or even http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=71176544.

I'll even give you advice on what styles would best suit your body shape, what accessories you should opt for on an evening in and what to wear them with on an evening out.

Go on treat yourself ;)

LPx

My twin!!!!

...okay she has the same blog name but you don't need to be Agatha Christie to see thats where the similarities end go check her out. http://girlwithredlipstick.com/

Virgin Pina-Colada drinking church goer that makes her own mayonnaise, she is like me....but nicer ;)

I cheated...........

I'd like to make it clear before I begin that this blog is being written under different conditions to my previous attempts at narrative, mainly due to the fact that I know that someone is patiently waiting for me to click on the 'Publish Post' button so they can eagerly peruse my summary of our little adventure in Edinburgh on Saturday. This obviously puts me in a tight spot because while I wish to be honest I feel that there may be some generalisations, bits taken out and far less attention to detail than previous posts so bear with, I will try to stay true to the story as I possibly can without corrupting any innocent minds or ruining any reputations ;)


If you have been a regular follower of my blog you will have noticed that I am very up front about what goes on my life, almost to the point of bluntness. A recurring theme throughout is the 'dating' thing.

I have always been a great advocate of spending time getting to know yourself before settling down with anyone because I have witnessed so many people mould themselves into what their partners want them to be, hell I've done it myself before so when I say I date lots I'm not saying 'see one guy them send him packing' I actually mean try keep things as light-hearted and easy as possible, take risks, meet people you wouldn't normally meet then let things follow their natural progression...which is how I ended up getting a lap dance from a nubile young woman in a strip club in Edinburgh whilst my date for the evening looked on.

Some of you I know will not be shocked by this, just the other evening my friends and I - whilst thoroughly out of our trees I might add - rather confidently compared ourselves to the Sex and the City girls, when I asked what one I was they all said 'Samantha' immediately. Whilst happy that I wasn't the Miranda of the group I was still very headily shocked by how I am sometimes perceived but saying that... I knew that if I tried to argue my innocence there would have been plenty of evidence to the contrary so hey ho 'what's a girl to do'. (Good Bat fot Lashes song, You Tube it).

So...Edinburgh. My day began with one of those hangovers that make you want to stick pins in your eyes to make the head bleed feel better in comparison, I was out with the 'Lovely Ladies' in Tusk the evening before and I believe shots were inhaled half hourly. Not only that but not surprisingly my activities during the week had caused a great big ole planet of a spot smack bang in the middle of my forehead, I swear this beauty had it's own solar system so, armed with alcohol fuelled bravery and a pair of blunt scissors I proceeded to hack at my fringe to see if I could do a cover up job, this done I managed to get my self into some kind of presentable state, think Im doing great time wise when I turn up for 11.45 train at Queen Street Station only to be confronted withhundreds upon thousands of kilted young men and women going to the rugby.For schizz...


Tears welled as I stood for more than 45 minutes in North Hanover Street car park watching the queue slowly dissipate, my shoes were not meant for actual physical walking so if you can imagine how I looked on my arrival in Edinburgh : bloodshot eyes and dry skin from prevoius nights activities, squinty fringe covering boil on my head, damp matted hair from standing in the Glasgow drizzle for nearly an hour, limping from crap shoes and thread hanging from skirt where button had popped off in taxi. While I can imagione you all positively salivating at this image, I would not be surprised if half of you wondered why I didn not just go home, ensconce myself in my duvet and just give up on the day, but giving up is not my motto, although who knows what the hell my motto is??? 'Live fast.... die young...(of Liver Failure)'

My escort for the day was a handsome young RAF Corporal (reminder to everyone he will be reading this ;) let's for talking sake call him *Matthew, with a penchant for air-guitaring along to You Tube snippets and, as I discovered later, highly recommendable photography skills. After doing his best impression of the Stig on Edinburgh's roads we ended up back at his bachelor pad and proceeded to drink, play guitar and sing the day away. From here I will take the time to point out a new talent courtesy of *Matthew - Brandi Carlile - I have no doubt I will be mentioning her in future so to really get a feel for how amazing she is go check her out on Later with Jools Holland http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mF9XAs5Dmo, My Space her, Facebook her, do whatever you can to immerse yourself in all thing Brandi because her talent is all omni-impotent and all knowing and I am always right.

After being treated to some in house live music from *Matthew we headed out into Edinburgh town to The Picture House on Lothian Road to see some up and coming bands http://www.mamagroup.co.uk/picturehouse/, it wasn't packed but still a great venue that the likes of Pete Doherty and the Doves are due to play at over the coming weeks.

Something I noticed as the evening wore on...a night in Edinburgh just feels different, I know I won't bump into anyone I know, I won't automatically end up at the usual places I frequent and despite my earlier grief with the rugby crowd the night was fuelled with an energy, excitement and expectancy unlike anything I've ever experienced before. As that infamous Flight of the Conchords song Business Times goes 'conditions were perfect'.

So mix excitement, fear, sexual tension and expectancy and what do you get? A foray into teh local lap-dancing club that's what you get. I do actually believe there were two but I'll be honest when I say one pair of boobiess is the same as the next with me and when you have a pair like mine anything less than a handful is a blister. Now don't get me wrong, there is something incredibly sexy about having someone nakedly writhing on your lap while your beau of the mo looks on, I see the sexual potential but being the literal person I am I couldn't help but notice the almost robotic-like movements, the 'been here before' faces and fake flirting that made me cringe a little. The girl worked hard for her money, much credit to her but from one woman to another - who has faked many a thing in her time - sometimes making theme 'believe' has far more benefits to it than you can ever imagine. I guess this is where the Burlesque in me comes out, adding a little fun, a kinky little strip and teasing to the mix is surely far better than just stripping off and thrusting the bust! No? Am I being female here? Well that was my summary but am sure *Matthew has his tuppence to put in, will divulge his contribution at a later date.

So I think this is where my movements throughout the evening should be more or less papered over, sealed, possibly divulged to the girls over Manhattens? who knows? but this isnt THAT kind of blog and am sure you will all have your own opinions and ideas of the rest of the nights activities. A step for a hint though is I have already got the title for a future blog together using my time in Edinburgh as a guide 'At what point does a girl stop being a lady?' What do you think?

To summarise though great time had, I am most definitely going to be making the effort to see more of Edinburgh in future, sorry Glasgow I love you but I think I'm going to have to swap you for an older version....x

P.S Many thanks to *Matthew for being my tour guide for the day, very dedicated young man. xx

21st Century Pinup Girl?

Shortly I will be celebrating the anniversary of being expelled from my mother's uterus so myself and a good friend of mine have decided to hit my late twenties freshly detoxed and too damn gorgeous for pre-watershed viewing. This has involved trying one diet for 2 days, ditching it out of sheer boredom and googling for the next one that has encouraging photographs of celebs and models emaciated enough to show it's worthwhile giving a bash.

Of course I've treaded the fad dieting path a fair few times before but this will be the first time I have decided to ...wait for it... CUT OUT ALCOHOL! . Being a lady with very few vices I've always thought I have been owed the opportunity to go out and get recklessly drunk as often as I deem fit, I've avoided drug addiction, smoking, stalker-like tendencies, foot fetishes, and anorexia so why the hell shouldn't I??? But then I had kind of an epiphany a couple of weeks ago, and after I looked up the meaning of epiphany on dictionary.com (just to confirm this was as I thought 'a Eureka moment' not the name of some kind of orchestral instrument) I realised alcohol was the only consistent thing in my life that pretty much contributed to it's ruin. To list but a few of the things that have occurred in my life as a direct or indirect result of alcohol:

1. Sex with strangers

2, Sex with friends who I would never have considered sex with

3.Bad sex

4. Great sex (that felt great at time but not so much the next day when you have 6 hickies, rope burns on your wrists and a rash and irritation from the use of scented candle wax that have to be explained to best friend, colleagues and old lady on bus)

5.Sent text meant for boyfriend to boss....

6.Spent a night standing in a hospital corridor screaming "Ignore me! I know this large gouge in my leg which is bleeding profusely and is making me rather nauseous looks quite bad but I'm drunk I don't deserve your charity, look I'll mop my blood off the floor with my skirt that seems to have fallen to my ankles...' (still cringe at that one)

7. Told people I hated them

8. Told people I loved them

9. Fell behind the white screen at a Halloween party..repeatedly...my dishevelled form magnified onto the wall for all to see

10. And worst of all, the mountain of kebabs and chips and putrid, stinking, disgusting food I shoved down my throat that night and the following morning to quell the predictable effects of the absolute barrels of booze I consumed the night before.

Now I have to admit most of these events were of yesteryear (apart from the Halloween one) but to look back at my weekend with pride and dignity gives me a warm feeling inside. The only thing is..what will I have to talk about in the office Monday morning hm.......?

Go check out this site http://www.someecards.com/. Have replaced drunked Saturday night exploits with hunting down great sites on the old interweb and this one had me peeing my nice spotty pink pantie, great little e cards that tell it like it is :)

Speak soon

LPx

On a serious note (and all that nonsense

I've been on this planet for nearly 27 years now (my birthday is on 20th March and don't YOU forget it!) and in that time I have come to terms with a lot of things about myself. First of all I am an 'out of sight, out of mind' kind of person...I prefer to live in the present and now, and although I still think of you often unless you are there in front of me I'm more likely to be concentrating my efforts on something more pressing in the meantime. I realise this sounds almost child-like but I guess it's a kind of coping mechanism to help me remain optimistic and clear-headed and as it is something I have used more and more over the years I find it very difficult to be any different.

Obviously there are certain disadvantages to adopting this attitude, particularly when it comes to family, friends and lovers but as time has gone on my independence and confidence in what I am has become something incredibly important to me so I hope those of you (particularly this person I have in mind) have come to realise this is not thoughtlessness on my part and my feelings havent changed.

Another thing I have found out about myself is that when not in a creative environment I become a lazy-assed chameleon...I blend into my grey, drab and anonymous surroundings, I transform into this 9 to 5 drone who would come home and just sleep all night if I could get away with it. Is this just winter fatigue or has my brain shut down so much that it requires a virtual flood of stimulating ammo before it's raring to go again? Spring? I need you! Hurry up before I'm found comatose, with what's left of my brain matter leaking out of my left ear and creating a puddle on the floor. So tired can't even type properly, where's my flowing style? This post has got more stops and starts than an amateur Go-Karting session!

By the way I've joined Twitter,if you havent heard of it it's like a status update site where you can follow people and they will just give tiny wee updates throughout their day. Stephen Fry updated his account 7 minutes ago saying 'Last scene for me. But at least three more hours on it, I suspect' he is absolutely addicted to it. Am also following Russell Brand and Regina Spektor, I actually feel a little bit like a voyeur, like I'm getting the private inside track on their private lives (along with 45,000 other people). If you want to follow me..in the Twitter sense not of the dark alleyway and holes in walls variety...then just sign up and search for laughingpandora will try keep it up to date with all the goings on in my life (believe it or not is far more interesting than I've been wittering on about here).

Anyhoo, it's 12.35 and my lovely new cosy bed calls.

Ciao Bella
LP X

Valentines Shmalentines

Being in an office full of couples at this time of year certainly puts things in perspective...I've never considered committing a crime before but burning a building with these people in it seems to be a recurring dream I have (only kidding fellow colleagues I love you really.) But the annoying thing is that the other 364 days of the year I am much envied if not revered for my ability to see 6 guys on the hop without fear of retaliation so seeing all these daft flowers, chocolates and dinner dates flying about while I sit nursing a hangover from 3 days of disastrous dating is just not on!

(Doth the lady protest too much?)

LPx

FFS, Par example!

Pandora lies prostate on the sofa, enjoying House and carrots with Sour Cream dip when suddenly mobile dings, there's a message. Transcript reads as follows:

STRANGE PERSON: So you recovered from wkend yet?

dingied

SP: U got my jacket? Left it up at urs at the wkend? x
ME: Sorry do I know you?
SP: It's Adam u 4gotn me? Lol
ME: No didnt know you in the first place
SP: Sorry must hav wrong numbr? Who is this neway?
ME: Lee (thinking that maybe I was more blootered than I thought at weekend)
SP: Lee who? As in male or female? Where you from?
ME: Female, look I really don't think I know you so...
SP: OK sory must hav wrong numbr! Whr u frm? Im adam frm Glasgow
ME:Glasgow
SP: Cool im frm west end byres rd! U up2 much? Wat age r ya?
ME: Dont want to be rude but if I dont know you and you have wrong number so why u still texting?
SP: U want me 2 stop txtn u? U nt fancy getn 2knw each othr? I dnt bite!
ME: Well im 50 year old with no teeth and a blue rinse, so dont think im your type
SP: Lol thats wat I lyk! Nah saw ur pic on gumtree so thot id text ya!

dingied