We Fight we Break up we Kiss we Make Up

So it's the day before Valentines day, the day which will be the first marker post New Year dumping and I'm looking on it slightfully fearfully as if all special occasions (pagan, commercialised or otherwise) in my life will bring some sort of mini or major life disaster.

After yet another night of vino, music and dancing on the cobbled streets of the West End I have found myself lying in bed with not a person but a laptop at my side, and although yes I do find myself asking whether it would be better if he was there instead I've started to find the bed more comfortably roomy, than empty now. The pangs of regret have kind of dulled and 9 times out of 10 I feel optimism as opposed to anything else. I feel empathy, I have started understanding his actions more and maybe I am kidding myself but putting myself in his shoes has helped me I only wish sometimes he would put himself in mine.

5 Things I have Worked out about Men - I shall quote Katy Perry - who are Hot 'n' Cold

1. The Ostrich Approach - yes right up there at number 1 is the old burying-his-head-in-the- sand-routine, an oldie but a goodie. If you aren't there you don't exist, if he keeps busy he has nothing to think about and if he doesnt look at his mobile you won't have texted. Yes you know he has a great time when you are together but not enough to bear any imprint on his mind afterwards obviously.

2. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses - he has great excuses for everything. You give him get out clauses all the way, damn you throw that boy out the door because quite frankly you would rather he told you he was going out with his mates so you can organise your night better, but instead there will be last minute changes by him which have either been known for weeks but forgotten about or happened last minute meaning you are low on the pecking order, or some bus was on fire so him and his mates managed to put it out with nothing but bottles of Evian to aid them, they saved the orphaned school children and after shedding tears of joy and much bonhomie they decided the only way to maintain this feeling of complete enlightenment , would be to go out get hammered and not come back til the next day. Okay maybe that hasn't happened so far but you kind of end up on tenterhooks waiting for the next instalment, almost contemplating getting the popcorn out...

3. They are CONFUSING! - he doesn't want to feel neglected, ignored or to know that you are having a good time. But he won't show that in an obvious way i.e the text asking what you are doing that night, whether you would be home, it would be cool if you are but if you're not it's ok, but no really actually stay out have fun!' You ask him the same and he is stumped as to why you need to know and you are like 'Are you for frickin real!?'

THANK YOU 'STRETCH' FOR POINTING OUT THAT THIS IS BASICALLY A CASE OF 'I CAN'T HAVE YOU BUT DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO HAVE YOU', IT SUCKS BUT THERE YOU GO.

4. No Pressure - he will call, text, organise a date, compliment you but only when he wants to. You so much as look at him the wrong way and he jumps like a cat in bath water. You back away, he comes forward, you come forward he backs away, it would almost be poetic were it not the fact you wanted to rip his bloody face off!

5. He Loco - you have decided enough is enough, you realise that you are not the psycho he is and that life is too short for putting up with someone who you have come to depend on to make you happy so you take away his control of that and make your own happiness instead and realise that it's not as scary as it first seemed. Then he'll reel you back in again, because right now you have a little chip in your head that is telling you, you are still his. And so the cycle continues...if you let it that is.

Let me explain it like this you are most probably at that stage in a relationship (or post-relationship in my case) where it's so much easier to just accept a situation because at least now you have learned to accept it and well it's not as if he's cheating is it? But think about how much time you spend trying to sort his life out, sort his mess of a head out, help him decide one way or the other what he wants and think about what you get back for that. It probably bears nothing in relation, do you think he spends this much time thinking about you? In short no it's highly unlikely but he has the addedbonus of being able to hold his own life down quite well and having you there as back-up should he need it.

Get rid of him. Just back off and be you again and stop letting this guy do this to you. Stop worrying no one will match up because I've been out there and I've seen the talent and ladies...it is GOOOOOOOOD.

10 Things you Need to Do Now!

1. Go out more

2. Start flirting again

3. Stop waiting for his texts

4. Concentrate on another area of your life, no doubt they've gone to pot of late

5. Get the weight down a bit

6. Laugh more

7. Work harder

8. Look out for opportunities

9. Love yourself

10. Who's he again?

;)

xx

DUMPED!

Ladies who've been dumped? I hear ya, loud and clear. After days of non-eating, of varying degrees of mentalness, of surfing soyou'vebeendumped.com and other relationship websites for ways to 'get over my ex quickly', 'to get over a broken heart' and even 'how to get my ex back again' I have had enough. I have deleted every text I've sent and received from him but am pretty sure his phone is still full of what can only be called the words of a pschizophrenic loon who swings from being loving and forgiving to wanting to burn his clothes and cut off his balls to prevent any more of his devil spawn being borne into this world.

I can't say I have accepted the whole thing very well. The shock prevented me, to be told he loves me one day to being told he doesn't the next is like a cold slap of water on the face. The gut twists into a knot, the heart feels like it is about to burst and sometimes your breath catches like the whole respiratory process has just failed you for a moment and you start hating every couple that walks past you in the street. Every sad song makes you weep, he is now officially elevated to god-like status and he can do no wrong., Whats worse is he gives you small chinks of possibility, the fact he might try again, the fact he still loves you, the fact you know other things in his life aren't perfect so just possibly, just maybe... he's blaming this wrongly on you. But then you realise that the light has gone from his eyes, he avoids you as much as possible and no amount of cleavage exhibition or funny one-liners are ever going to change that back.

So you revert to the easiest way to get over him..and that's to knock him from his pedestal and see his flaws. The burping, farting, long working hours, untameable beer belly, monobrow and inability to watch films with subtitles as they make him ill (no I didnt make this up) and you embed this picture of him in your head. You stop thinking about the cuddles in bed at night, the flowers he'd buy you, the holiday that was planned, the texts just saying 'I love you' and you start making him into this cold-hearted robot that dishes out bullsh*t lines that convert you into a bubbling mess, that pets you every so often just to build that false security ever so high and then BAM! the robot hits you smack in the stomach, screaming in Dalek tones 'Ha you'll never do that again girl now will you!?' You are an innocent again, a child who wants someone to just look after you and say everythings ok and your friends become your backbone and they do everything they can for you but you know that the only way you are going to get over this, is if you become the person you were, the person you were meant to be before you let the wrong one in.

But I have to agree with the well-read quote 'Better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all'. Previously I had thought of myself as a kind of 'Tinman', always very nice to people yes, in fact very charming but I just didnt have a heart. I could click my fingers and change my feelings for someone. Right now I wish I could click my red heels and all this would be over but if anything I have that passion again, that need to smack life's bum until it's red raw and ready to do what it's told. I know that this may take a few weeks, months maybe, this relationship wasn't for me in the end but I am a better person than I was before, I am more appreciative of how love with the right person can feel and of the fact that no matter how involved you get that you should never change yourself or allow someone to become your life, you only have that one chance.

For anyone else that's currently going through this, be strong, use your friends and family that's what they are there for and don't make 2010 a year of mourning make it a year of change. Contact me if you'd like to just let off steam, writing things down, letting them out has been amazing and I don't mind sharing any other tips I've been using to move on.

Nice to be back everyone, hopefully better than before.

;)
LP xx