DUMPED!

Ladies who've been dumped? I hear ya, loud and clear. After days of non-eating, of varying degrees of mentalness, of surfing soyou'vebeendumped.com and other relationship websites for ways to 'get over my ex quickly', 'to get over a broken heart' and even 'how to get my ex back again' I have had enough. I have deleted every text I've sent and received from him but am pretty sure his phone is still full of what can only be called the words of a pschizophrenic loon who swings from being loving and forgiving to wanting to burn his clothes and cut off his balls to prevent any more of his devil spawn being borne into this world.

I can't say I have accepted the whole thing very well. The shock prevented me, to be told he loves me one day to being told he doesn't the next is like a cold slap of water on the face. The gut twists into a knot, the heart feels like it is about to burst and sometimes your breath catches like the whole respiratory process has just failed you for a moment and you start hating every couple that walks past you in the street. Every sad song makes you weep, he is now officially elevated to god-like status and he can do no wrong., Whats worse is he gives you small chinks of possibility, the fact he might try again, the fact he still loves you, the fact you know other things in his life aren't perfect so just possibly, just maybe... he's blaming this wrongly on you. But then you realise that the light has gone from his eyes, he avoids you as much as possible and no amount of cleavage exhibition or funny one-liners are ever going to change that back.

So you revert to the easiest way to get over him..and that's to knock him from his pedestal and see his flaws. The burping, farting, long working hours, untameable beer belly, monobrow and inability to watch films with subtitles as they make him ill (no I didnt make this up) and you embed this picture of him in your head. You stop thinking about the cuddles in bed at night, the flowers he'd buy you, the holiday that was planned, the texts just saying 'I love you' and you start making him into this cold-hearted robot that dishes out bullsh*t lines that convert you into a bubbling mess, that pets you every so often just to build that false security ever so high and then BAM! the robot hits you smack in the stomach, screaming in Dalek tones 'Ha you'll never do that again girl now will you!?' You are an innocent again, a child who wants someone to just look after you and say everythings ok and your friends become your backbone and they do everything they can for you but you know that the only way you are going to get over this, is if you become the person you were, the person you were meant to be before you let the wrong one in.

But I have to agree with the well-read quote 'Better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all'. Previously I had thought of myself as a kind of 'Tinman', always very nice to people yes, in fact very charming but I just didnt have a heart. I could click my fingers and change my feelings for someone. Right now I wish I could click my red heels and all this would be over but if anything I have that passion again, that need to smack life's bum until it's red raw and ready to do what it's told. I know that this may take a few weeks, months maybe, this relationship wasn't for me in the end but I am a better person than I was before, I am more appreciative of how love with the right person can feel and of the fact that no matter how involved you get that you should never change yourself or allow someone to become your life, you only have that one chance.

For anyone else that's currently going through this, be strong, use your friends and family that's what they are there for and don't make 2010 a year of mourning make it a year of change. Contact me if you'd like to just let off steam, writing things down, letting them out has been amazing and I don't mind sharing any other tips I've been using to move on.

Nice to be back everyone, hopefully better than before.

;)
LP xx