I'd like to make it clear before I begin that this blog is being written under different conditions to my previous attempts at narrative, mainly due to the fact that I know that someone is patiently waiting for me to click on the 'Publish Post' button so they can eagerly peruse my summary of our little adventure in
Edinburgh on Saturday. This obviously puts me in a tight spot because while I wish to be honest I feel that there may be some generalisations, bits taken out and far less attention to detail than previous posts so bear with, I will try to stay true to the story as I possibly can without corrupting any innocent minds or ruining any reputations ;)
If you have been a regular follower of my blog you will have noticed that I am very up front about what goes on my life, almost to the point of bluntness. A recurring theme throughout is the '
dating' thing.
I have always been a great advocate of spending time getting to know yourself before settling down with anyone because I have witnessed so many people mould themselves into what their partners want them to be, hell I've done it myself before so when I say I date lots I'm not saying 'see one guy them send him packing' I actually mean try keep things as light-hearted and easy as possible, take risks, meet people you wouldn't normally meet then let things follow their natural progression...which is how I ended up getting a
lap dance from a nubile young woman in a strip club in Edinburgh whilst my date for the evening looked on.
Some of you I know will not be shocked by this, just the other evening my friends and I - whilst thoroughly out of our trees I might add - rather confidently compared ourselves to the Sex and the City girls, when I asked what one I was they all said
'Samantha' immediately. Whilst happy that I wasn't the Miranda of the group I was still very headily shocked by how I am sometimes perceived but saying that... I knew that if I tried to argue my innocence there would have been plenty of evidence to the contrary so hey ho
'what's a girl to do'. (Good Bat fot Lashes song, You Tube it).
So...
Edinburgh. My day began with one of those hangovers that make you want to stick pins in your eyes to make the head bleed feel better in comparison, I was out with the
'Lovely Ladies' in Tusk the evening before and I believe shots were inhaled half hourly. Not only that but not surprisingly my activities during the week had caused a great big ole planet of a spot smack bang in the middle of my forehead, I swear this beauty had it's own solar system so, armed with alcohol fuelled bravery and a pair of blunt scissors I proceeded to hack at my fringe to see if I could do a cover up job, this done I managed to get my self into some kind of presentable state, think Im doing great time wise when I turn up for 11.45 train at Queen Street Station only to be confronted withhundreds upon thousands of kilted young men and women going to the rugby.For schizz...
Tears welled as I stood for more than 45 minutes in North Hanover Street car park watching the queue slowly dissipate, my shoes were not meant for actual physical walking so if you can imagine how I looked on my arrival in Edinburgh : bloodshot eyes and dry skin from prevoius nights activities, squinty fringe covering boil on my head, damp matted hair from standing in the Glasgow drizzle for nearly an hour, limping from crap shoes and thread hanging from skirt where button had popped off in taxi. While I can imagione you all positively salivating at this image, I would not be surprised if half of you wondered why I didn not just go home, ensconce myself in my duvet and just give up on the day, but giving up is not my motto, although who knows what the hell my motto is???
'Live fast.... die young...(of Liver Failure)'My escort for the day was a handsome young
RAF Corporal (reminder to everyone he will be reading this ;) let's for talking sake call him
*Matthew, with a penchant for air-guitaring along to You Tube snippets and, as I discovered later, highly recommendable photography skills. After doing his best impression of the Stig on Edinburgh's roads we ended up back at his bachelor pad and proceeded to drink, play guitar and sing the day away. From here I will take the time to point out a new talent courtesy of
*Matthew - Brandi Carlile - I have no doubt I will be mentioning her in future so to really get a feel for how amazing she is go check her out on Later with Jools Holland
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mF9XAs5Dmo, My Space her, Facebook her, do whatever you can to immerse yourself in all thing Brandi because her talent is all omni-impotent and all knowing and I am always right.
After being treated to some in house live music from
*Matthew we headed out into Edinburgh town to The Picture House on Lothian Road to see some up and coming bands
http://www.mamagroup.co.uk/picturehouse/, it wasn't packed but still a great venue that the likes of Pete Doherty and the Doves are due to play at over the coming weeks.
Something I noticed as the evening wore on...a night in Edinburgh just feels different, I know I won't bump into anyone I know, I won't automatically end up at the usual places I frequent and despite my earlier grief with the rugby crowd the night was fuelled with an energy, excitement and expectancy unlike anything I've ever experienced before. As that infamous Flight of the Conchords song Business Times goes 'conditions were perfect'.
So mix excitement, fear, sexual tension and expectancy and what do you get? A foray into teh local lap-dancing club that's what you get. I do actually believe there were two but I'll be honest when I say one pair of boobiess is the same as the next with me and when you have a pair like mine anything less than a handful is a blister. Now don't get me wrong, there is something incredibly sexy about having someone nakedly writhing on your lap while your beau of the mo looks on, I see the sexual potential but being the literal person I am I couldn't help but notice the almost robotic-like movements, the 'been here before' faces and fake flirting that made me cringe a little. The girl worked hard for her money, much credit to her but from one woman to another - who has faked many a thing in her time - sometimes making theme 'believe' has far more benefits to it than you can ever imagine. I guess this is where the
Burlesque in me comes out, adding a little fun, a kinky little strip and teasing to the mix is surely far better than just stripping off and thrusting the bust! No? Am I being female here? Well that was my summary but am sure
*Matthew has his tuppence to put in, will divulge his contribution at a later date.
So I think this is where my movements throughout the evening should be more or less papered over, sealed, possibly divulged to the girls over Manhattens? who knows? but this isnt THAT kind of blog and am sure you will all have your own opinions and ideas of the rest of the nights activities. A step for a hint though is I have already got the title for a future blog together using my time in Edinburgh as a guide '
At what point does a girl stop being a lady?' What do you think?
To summarise though great time had, I am most definitely going to be making the effort to see more of Edinburgh in future, sorry Glasgow I love you but I think I'm going to have to swap you for an older version....x
P.S Many thanks to *Matthew for being my tour guide for the day, very dedicated young man. xx
